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I lost my oldest son, Bo, at the ripe age of 22, just nine years ago. At first I went into total denial. I kept telling myself he was away at college and soon he would be coming home. I buried myself in my work, stacked heavy blocks on top of my emotions and moved like a robot through my days. I was afraid to stop moving because I knew the blocks would tumble and reality would set in, which it did. And on those occasions, I cried the guttural sounds of sorrow and pain, like a mama cow does when she’s separated from her calf. Yet, it was in those moments that I could feel my son’s arms around me. I felt as if he was saying, “It’s okay, Mom. It was my time to go. Please don’t be sad. I love you. You need to get on with your life.”
It took me six years to understand what my son was saying… that I needed to let go so he could continue his journey on the other side, and I, on this side. Needing closure, I wrote a simple book, BELIEVE. It was during that process I discovered, as his spirit stood by my side, that it was important to honor his journey, embrace with steadfast love the gifts he left behind, and find a way to celebrate his precious, precious life. To me, celebrating his life was the key to my heart’s healing journey.
I’ve come to realize that the bond of a mother and son’s love never dies… and that even though his voice is quiet, his spirit still echoes.
Bo, there isn’t a day I don’t miss you and long for one more yesterday. I hope you can feel my arms around you today. Happy Birthday, son. Love you forever and always, Mom.
For a great resource when dealing with the loss of a child please visit Grief Haven.
13 thoughts on “In Memory of My Son”
So beautiful and brave, Pattie. Bo would surely be proud of his mama! I love your poignant line, “Even though his voice is quiet, his spirit still echoes.”
Happy Birthday to that wonderful man on the white horse!
Tears in my eyes but mindful that I am to cherish and love with all my heart my children , grateful for every day we are together.
You are an inspiration Miss Pattie.. the epitome of a courageous woman who turned her pain into opportunity with such grace…
Much love….Kate
You are so brave and what a journey you’ve been on, I’m so happy to have shared a small part of it with you…you are very loved.
Magnifcent — Sent it out to sooooo many people – bless you.
So so sad.
Oh pattie, I just can’t imagine the pain you felt and you still feel at times.
But to to see your growth as you journeyed through these painful times are so beautiful and amazingly remarkable.
Hi Pattie,
My tears are flowing!! Thinking of you and Bo!!
Pattie-
I’m sorry I didn’t have the chance to meet Bo. From the things I have heard about him I know he was a wonderful young man. I know you will find alot of feathers today. God bless you and your family.
Love-Wanda
Hi Pattie,
Tears are streaming down my cheeks. I have two sons and can’t imagine what it would be like to lose one of them. My heart goes out to you.
I’ll give each of them a tighter hug today.
My thoughts are with you today. Julie
There is still sadness in my heart for you and all you have been through. What a tribute you have given Bo.
One of the greatest gifts we can give our loved ones and they in turn to us (either on this side of the light), is to say “It’s ok to leave and move on.”
We all have our time here on earth. Some shorter, some longer. The key for those of us still here is to honor their memory with the way we live.
I recently heard there were 3 stages of death.
One: when you lose you last friend or family member.
Two: when you go to meet them.
Three: when people stop saying your name.
Bo will live forever in your book for your future generations to love as you did.
Sweet Pattie. I’m thinking of you at this time with a candle lit and prayers said.
xoxoxJackie
My thoughts are with you today, and always. You have walked through this unthinkable situation with more grace, love and acceptance than I could ever imagine possible.
Such an example and shining light for all who know you.
Love Always…
Margie
Bo would be so proud of his Mama. You are an inspiration, Patti…